Bent and Broken
by BlueDaisy2158
Summary: This is a companion piece to my story, Beautiful When You Cry. It is basically the same story, only in Draco’s POV.


Author's note: This is a companion piece to my story, _Beautiful When You Cry_. It is basically the same story, only in Draco's POV.

It started over something really stupid, like it normally does. I was standing in the hall of the ministry when I overheard two wizards talking about me. They weren't saying anything they don't normally say (shady background, spoiled brat, Potter's whore, son of a Death Eater, and all of that), but after all of the things I have been through this week, it was just too much. I managed to hold myself together until I reached my office, then let loose with yet another crying jag as soon as the door was shut behind me.

Only, I didn't have privacy for very long, because Hermione had seen my face as I was returning to my office, and she never has truly understood the reasons someone might have for closing a door. She sat with me for about half an hour, offering me tissues and trying her best to fix things, but she can't. She is not you, and as far as I know, you are the only one who can fix me.

As soon as I felt I had put myself together enough to keep from making myself an even easier target for those that hate me, I left for home. I walked today, thinking that the crisp air would do me some good, but I am not entirely sure it was the right decision. The people passing me on the street may have had no idea who I was, but I'm sure they were more than a little bit surprised to see a grown man walking down the street with red, puffy eyes. But then, I thought, what do I care what other people think. I am a Malfoy, I told myself, but that doesn't really work anymore. For some reason I do care.

When I got home, I was relieved to see you. You looked up at me with that bright smile on your face and your beautiful green eyes shining. I love your eyes because they represent what you are to me: kind, warm, thoughtful, and loving. In that moment, I thought that maybe everything would be okay. But then your smile began to fade as you saw the look on my face, and it started all over again. I looked away and hurried off to our bedroom, both hoping you would follow me and wishing you would stay away.

I lay on the bed, waiting for you for what felt like years, though I know it was only a few minutes. You always come to me when I am sad, and for that I will always be grateful. I could not get through it without you. I know this because in the short moments before I felt you against by back, I began to sob again and my thoughts began to focus on the bottle of Dreamless Sleep potion we keep in the medicine cabinet. I began to wonder how much I would need to drink to go to sleep and never wake up. I often wonder about things like that, though I would never tell you because I don't want you to worry.

Then, I felt the other side of the bed sink just a little, and I felt you gather me up in your arms. All of the sudden, suicide didn't seem like such a viable option anymore. My visions of sleeping peacefully for all eternity were interrupted by visions of you finding me and grieving over my body. I felt ashamed for thinking only of myself and was glad you were there to stop me, though you will never know it.

I began to lose awareness of my surroundings, with you there to protect me, and I let it all go while you held me tight. I began to try to put my feelings into words, though I don't think I was successful. I am just so tired of pretending all of the time. There seems to be no point in living for me anymore.

I don't know how we ended up in the shower, but I know that it must have been you taking care of me again, and I think I felt my heart break just a little to have even more evidence of how much you love me.

I am sorry that you are always having to fix me, and I am sorry that you will never live a normal life with me. I wish I could be easier to deal with, but this is who I am, and for some strange reason, you seem to love that person.

After our shower, I tried to put myself back together again. I told myself that I was being stupid and that you would eventually leave me if I couldn't hold it together for more than a few weeks at a time. I told myself that you deserve better, and I owed it to you to at least pretend that things were alright. So I selected some stupid movie for us to watch, lay my head in your lap, and tried to keep up the inane chatter that most people seem to associate with me.

Then Hermione came to check up on me, and we all began pretending like we always do whenever I fall apart. It reminded me that while I sometimes think I have nothing to live for, I will always have my friend and I will always have you. My mind turned to the visions of suicide I was having earlier and it humbled me to think about how selfish I can be sometimes and how it could effect the people I love the most if I were try to hurt myself. I really don't deserve either of you. You deserve someone so much better than I will ever be. You deserve someone strong, who has something to give back to you. I don't know if I will ever be that person.

After she left, we began to silently get ready for bed. Periodically, I glanced over at you as discretely as I could, trying to read your body language to understand how you were feeling. I thought briefly about trying to talk to you, to tell you how much I love you, and that I appreciate how you take care of me. I wanted you to understand what you mean to me. But I quickly dismissed those thoughts, because speaking it aloud would only have me crying again, and I hate to cry in front of you even though it sometimes seems that that is all I do these days.

As we lay together in the dark, I turned to face you, because I wanted to reassure myself that you were really there. Then, you reached out to caress my forehead and said the most amazing thing. You said, "You are my point."

I didn't get it at first and asked you meant, and you explained it to me so beautifully and perfectly that I was left with no doubt. Apparently, when I was babbling to you earlier, I must have said that there was no point and you wanted to reassure me that I am the point for you.

I didn't think it was possible to love you anymore than I already did, but I was so wrong. I loved you because you took care of me, and I loved you for other reasons that I had and still have no words for, but now I understand a little bit better.

You see, you are my point, too. I just never realized it until you said it to me. I remembered how I was longing for the Dreamless Sleep potion earlier, and I remembered what stopped me from wanting it. It was the thought of you.

Everything in my life came to a halt in that moment, because I had finally found a purpose. I finally understood why I need to live and why I even want to live.

I watched your face and saw hope there, shining almost as brightly as your love for me, and I felt my heart break fully, but that was fine with me because I knew that we would heal it together.

I love the way you love me, and I love you for taking care of me, but most of all, I love you because you help me find myself when I am lost and you give me the strength to stand and carry on.


End file.
